Perfectionism is toxic, want to get rid of it? Help is on hand!

I know this girl

She is a 20 something law student in her final year at one of our best Universities. She is smart, sassy, and excels at everything she puts her hand to, from hockey to home-baking. Her life is stretching before her - full of hope and opportunity 

And yet. She is crippled by anxiety and shame. Anxiety and shame driven by perfectionism. Permanently on a high wire, of perfectionism. Desperately driven by an anxiety that if she falls off, there is no world to welcome her. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, ever fearful of the shame of not hitting her high performing, perfectionist goals

How can I explain to this sparky, kind girl that striving for excellence is one thing. Striving to excel in her unique way, using her own combination of sassy brains, deep kindness and fierce determination. That will bring magic. Striving for full marks, to always be top of the class, to never make mistakes. That will bring madness. A madness driven by seeking to control the uncontrollable. To control and perfect the wild animal that is life

The voice we perfectionists hear is not the well intentioned encouragement of our tutors, bosses or parents

The voice we perfectionists hear is our inner critic

Telling us 90% is not good enough. Being in the top 20 is not good enough. Smashing our targets is not good enough

Sadly, this lovely girl is not on her own, we are becoming increasingly aware of the rising trends in perfectionism, particularly amongst the so called ‘high performers’ in our world. Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill’s recent meta-analysis of rates of perfectionism from 1989 to 2016 was the first study to compare perfectionism across generations. Curran and Hill found significant increases among more recent undergraduates in the US, UK and Canada. In other words, the average college student last year was much more likely to have perfectionistic tendencies than a student in the 1990s or early 2000s

This rise in perfectionism does not mean more and more of us are higher performers. In truth perfectionism achieves the opposite

A life as a perfectionist is rarely a happy one, it is full of focussing on mistakes as shame-making evidence we are not enough. This gut wrenching, rumination-enducing toxicity called perfectionism, literally stops us from enjoying our own hard-won excellence, denies us the excitement of trying new things we may not nail first time, prevents us from experimenting with our ideas

Perfectionism cripples us from throwing our arms wide to embrace the abundance of achievements and potential we all have on offer, as part of the human experience of this wild life. Worse than that, studies show that perfectionistic tendencies have been linked to a long list of clinical issues from depression and anxiety, to eating disorders, chronic fatigue, insomnia and chronic headaches, and in the worst scenarios early mortality and suicide

So what about our lovely girl?

Here's the thing - that lovely girl was Jo. More talents, innate capabilities and natural gifts could not be thrown at her, yet she was broken, miserable and haunted by perfectionism - it was destroying her life - she was at breaking point

Jo decided to take the talents and capabilities she had been given, combine them with her scorching drive for high performance and work out what life to live - how to be comfortable yet real, how to break free of perfectionism and thrive, how to live life well - this is what she discovered...

What can we actually do if we realise we are perfectionists? 

The key is to swap perfection for progress

By swapping perfection for progress we can still have high goals and aim for excellence. The difference is we can take things step by step, where each step forward is a celebration and motivation of moving towards our goal. So every step is an achievement. Through reflecting on this achievement on a regular basis through a practice of purposeful self-reflection, we see how far we have come. Which motivates us further. Steps lead to more steps. Achievements lead to more achievements

Being full of progress encourages us to be aware of what we are learning, seeing the mistakes we make along the journey as part of the process of moving forwards. Rather than pieces of evidence that we are not enough, mistakes become pieces of evidence of steps forwards, steps of learning, steps of progress towards our goals. By focussing on progress we adopt a mind-set of playfulness and curiosity, not perfectionism and criticism. With this curiosity and playful approach, the journey towards excellence becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. By replacing our inner critic, with our inner curiosity, we can explore and experiment more. Which leads to more unique ideas and experiences. Which leads to even more steps of personal progress

When the going gets tough. Which any journey will, especially a high performer's high wire journey of stretch and excellence: when we focus on progress, not perfection, we can sustain a steady pace. We can focus on sustaining the small steps forward, one step at a time, remaining poised and balanced, no matter what the wild animal of life throws at us along our way

By swapping perfection for progress, we help life work for us, rather than against us...

Achieving excellence and high performance in a way which is our unique, positive contribution to the world. Our excellence barometer is our own personal progress, not a mark on an exam paper, a response on social media nor a performance review at work. Progress is ours, uniquely to own for ourselves. This is what Jo would tell her lovely 20 year old law student self, with her sparky brain and kind heart. This is what living a life of progress, not perfection - is all about

Because Jo saw that she was not alone, and that so many people can benefit from living a life of progress not perfection, Jo and I set up a company called Progressfull™  

The truth is that the first step to leading our best lives is often understanding that we are all a work in progress

In reality, all the answers to the questions of how to progress and live a better life, already exist out there in some way, from the wisdom of the Ancient Greeks to the latest findings from the world of Neuroscience. But even if we are aware of these ideas and concepts, very few of us have the framework or tools to actually demystify and apply them in our everyday lives - from home, to work, to our whole life

So we decided to create it

Using Jo’s experience of 25 years of effectively sharing these tools and concepts with global audiences, combined with my 25 years of experience in the world of marketing and communication, we have packaged these into sparky deep insights, simple practical frameworks and handy transforming tools - for everybody to use in the real world

We understand you want to continually learn and progress in life, that you don't want psychobabble or unrealistic 'positive thinking', so we focus on outcomes and results

Now you can - quite literally - swap perfection for progress!

An experience with us takes you from feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled to inspired, energised and on track

Our passion is to help you swap perfection for progress so you can unlock your personal progress and professional potential – helping life work for you not against you – from home, to work, to your whole life

If you would like to discover more about how you can swap perfection for progress and start to live your life on your own terms, full of progress, guided by your own compass, your true north you can explore the 5 Progressfull™ Principles here 

Being progressfull is not easy, but it is worth it. We all have just one life, so we might as well make sure we swap perfection for progress and show up to live our own life and most importantly, live it well!

As the artist Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey said,

”Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is”