Want happiness? Welcome discomfort

Sounds weird, right?

Most of us seek comfort every day. We find it in hugs, in bubble baths, in nights in with Netflix. As humans, we are wired for comfort

In a turbulent world, it feels normal to seek comfort to re-energise and soothe ourselves from the chaos around us. The thing is, as humans we are also wired for growth. With no progress, with no growth, in the areas of our lives which are important to us, we simply aren’t happy

But a lot of us have forgotten this, believing true happiness lies only in the cocooning softness of comfort, neglecting the basic human longing for growth

A recent study by researchers Kaitlin Woolley from Cornell University and Ayelet Fishbach from the University of Chicago published by the Association of Psychological Science highlights the reality that prioritising comfort could be preventing us from the real happiness of living a life of fulfilment, progress, and growth

That's right - ironically, not welcoming discomfort as much as we welcome comfort may well be why so many of us don’t live the happy lives we often dream of both for ourselves and our children

The big step change for most of us is that seeing discomfort as a sign of progress can be motivating

The researchers believe this is because we often see it as the opposite, a sign that there’s a problem

When experiencing something uncomfortable, something outside our comfort zone - whether learning a language, taking a cold shower, or confronting our unconscious biases - feeling uncomfortable can make us believe this is not for us. We might do as much as possible to minimise our discomfort by keeping our heads down and allowing others to lead, or keeping our minds closed to challenging new information. Or we might simply quit

Instead, welcoming discomfort turns a negative into a positive experience - a signal we are on the right path and that what we are feeling is totally normal. This may open us up to take more risks and really jump in. As Wim Hof, the Dutch extreme athlete and motivational speaker exhorts, 

"If we always choose comfort we never learn the deepest capabilities of our mind or body" 

The study referenced earlier aligns with other research in indicating we can reframe the way we regard negative experiences. It appears that when we reinterpret our stress as excitement, we sing more beautifully in front of an audience; when we see anxiety as helping us perform better, we’re better at managing it and welcoming feedback

As adults we may be judging normal human experiences like discomfort, anxiety, and stress too negatively. While we may be inclined to avoid them, in fact, just as a child experiences discomfort in the tumbles whilst learning to walk - discomfort seems to be part of becoming who we really want to be and living a happier life of progress and fulfilment

This aligns with Jo’s experience of coaching 1000+ executives. One key theme that is ever present is the reality that the outcome of Jo’s coaching directly relates to the executives willingness to stretch, accept discomfort and challenge themselves to progress

It starts with a choice about their mind-set - a mind-set that restricts growth or one that releases growth

I want to do this, I want to grow, it’s worth the effort, it’s worth the challenge, it’s worth the discomfort is the releasing mind-set that creates the rich fertile soil for growth. As the Chinese proverb wisely confirms,

"All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today"

How about today you check-in with yourself and see whether you have truly recognised that discomfort and challenge are partners with learning and growth. Have you learned the life skill of swapping comfort for discomfort so you can grow?

Coaching is all about facilitating someone’s learning and growth so they can progress in ways they never envisaged possible, yet always wanted to achieve

Discover our Progressfull Coaching offer here