Are you all vogue on the outside yet all vague on the inside?

Without confidence, our looks are not enough, our career is not enough, even our family is not enough, in fact, our whole life is not enough

How sad is that? Yet also…look around…how normal!

It’s true that most of us are often looking for the sources of success and confidence in the wrong places – a new job, a new makeup haul, a new pair of sneakers…

We have a radical idea for you…

Instead of our barometer for success being externally derived through ‘seeming perfect on the outside’ we can choose our own internal barometer. Our own personal progress, not a mark on an exam paper, a response on social media, a performance review at work, or how fabulous we look (or don’t look) in the mirror

This means we are much more in control of our own happiness, our own fulfilment, because our confidence is sparked by our own progress, not someone else’s approval

So the great news is real confidence is something we choose to develop and grow - it’s a work in progress. Even better news is, progress is addictive - these steps of progress give us an addictive dopamine hit of achievement and momentum. A way better hit than the external vogue on the outside hit!

When you think about it, we are all born confident, until society and shockingly, often those closest to us – our parents, our family, our friends – slowly chip away at our sense of natural confidence. The confidence we all have as young children when learning to walk. Laughing and puzzled when we fall over, yet picking ourselves determinedly up to try again. Because something deep inside us, tells us we can do this strange thing of tottering on two feet for the first time

Yes, we are born confident, yet we forget this, and you know the real irony, this is despite everyone telling us to ‘be confident’

How often do you hear parents say this to kids on the first day back at school, partners say it to each other on the first day in a new job, friends say it to us when we want to chat to someone we don't know – whenever we are about to do something that seems challenging, we are told to ‘be confident’. This sounds so hollow because what we are really thinking is – ‘easier said than done’

'Being confident' is easier said than done because what we don’t know how to do, is simply flick a switch and ‘be confident’. What we also don’t know, is that it is not ‘being’ confident that’s the aim, it’s ‘choosing’ confidence

Choosing Confidence is about knowing we are enough and knowing we are capable, even when we fall down, say the wrong thing on our first day at school, or turn up to the wrong meeting on the first day in a new job

Choosing Confidence is about swapping perfection for progress. We aim for progress, not perfection. Even the smallest steps of progress move us forwards. So every step is an achievement. Through a practice of purposeful self-reflection, we see how far we have come – this builds our confidence inside out

Being full of progress encourages us to be aware of what we are learning, seeing the mistakes we make along the journey as part of the process of moving forwards. Rather than pieces of evidence that we are not enough, mistakes become pieces of evidence of steps forwards, steps of learning, steps of progress towards our future self, it changes everything – how exciting is that!

To use Lao Tzu's iconic expression,

“There is in fact nothing lacking and the world does indeed belong to you’

What’s more, choosing to be confident doesn’t just make us feel good on the inside it makes people find us attractive on the outside too. It is not our attributes they're attracted to, it’s the way we choose to be confident in our our approach while utilising our attributes

So why is this so attractive? The reality is, a lot of us look for confidence in other people because truly confident people aren’t needy, they already feel strong and secure – because they know they already have everything they need. This is extremely attractive because it means they won’t try to take from us or to make us feel less than, to fill up their own cup

Confident people are able to make space for others. They’re also not easily offended, are self-deprecating, and also open-minded because they know who they are and nothing anyone else says can change that. They focus on being and doing the things which make them feel they are making progress in their own lives, step by step – relying on their own internal barometer of who they have decided they want to be

As Alex Wek, the South Sudanese-British campaigner, model, and designer says,

"When beauty shines from within, there can be no denying it"

When we see people who are all vogue on the outside, yet vague on the inside deep down, we know something isn’t quite right, but we can’t put our fingers on it because what we see is incredibly convincing. Theoretically we should find this externally successful and/or beautiful individual attractive – yet something is a bit off and we’re not sure why

Today think about your barometer for success – how much of your confidence is externally derived and how much is internally derived

So, that’s the radical idea of Choosing Confidence. Choosing Confidence is about learning how to gain self-assurance, poise and self-belief. Learning how to trust yourself and know you are enough – so you are all vogue on the inside (and also outside if you choose!)

For someone to consistently and confidently Choose Confidence requires a shift in beliefs, behaviours and mind-sets and is an on-going process. It’s a practice, in fact, it’s actually practices

At Progressfull we have called these practices, these beliefs, behaviours and mind-sets of Choosing Confidence - 'Releasing practices'

The Releasing practices provide us with more detail and help us to appreciate the beliefs, behaviours and mind-sets of Choosing Confidence. Putting these into practice daily will enable you to consistently and purposefully ditch the restricting practices which hold you back and adopt the Releasing practices which help you progress to be vogue on the inside (and outside, if you choose!)

The Releasing Practices enable you to focus your energy and effort on being vogue on the inside, as well as on the outside, fully present in your life, present to yourself and to others. Exactly like a child, but with the knocks, the scars, the calm, the poise, and the uniqueness of a beautifully grown human, beautiful on the inside

At Progressfull, we have an Upskill (our name for a course) which will help you to start appreciating the beliefs, behaviours and mind-sets that will release you to progress further by consistently and purposefully applying the principle of Choosing Confidence

You can discover more about our Choosing Confidence Upskill here