Swapping perfection for progress

There's this boy ... 

A 15 year old GCSE student on his way to one of our best Universities. He is smart, sociable and spirited, excelling at everything he puts his hand to, from sport, to his grades, to fronting the school band. Looking in from the outside it seems that his life is stretching before him full of hope and opportunity 

And yet. He is crippled by anxiety and shame. Anxiety and shame driven by perfectionism. Permanently on a high wire, of perfectionism. Desperately driven by an anxiety thinking that if he falls off, there is no world to welcome him. He does his schoolwork, he does his pull-ups, he does his push-ups, he checks his phone, hour by hour, minute by minute, ever fearful of the shame of not hitting his high performing, perfectionist targets

How can I explain to this smart, sociable and spirited 15 year old that striving for excellence is one thing. Striving to excel in his unique way, using his own combination of brilliant brain, inate sociability and fierce determination. That will bring success

Striving for full marks, to always be the player of the match, to never make mistakes. That will bring madness. Striving for perfection brings madness

The voice we perfectionists hear is not the well intentioned encouragement of our tutors, bosses or parents

The voice we perfectionists hear is our inner critic

Telling us 90% is not good enough. Being in the top 20 is not good enough. Smashing our targets is not good enough

Sadly, this smart, sociable boy full of spirit and potential is far from alone

We are becoming increasingly aware of the rising trends in perfectionism, particularly amongst the so called ‘high performers’ in our world. Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill’s recent meta-analysis of rates of perfectionism from 1989 to 2016 was the first study to compare perfectionism across generations. Curran and Hill found significant increases among more recent undergraduates in the US, UK and Canada. In other words, the average University student of today is much more likely to have perfectionistic tendencies than a student in the 1990’s or early 2000’s

This rise in perfectionism does not mean more and more of us are higher performers. In truth perfectionism achieves the opposite

A life as a perfectionist is rarely a happy one, it is full of focussing on mistakes as shame-making evidence we are not enough. This gut wrenching, rumination-enducing toxicity called perfectionism, literally stops us from enjoying our own hard-won excellence, denies us the excitement of trying new things we may not nail first time, prevents us from experimenting with our ideas

Perfectionism cripples us from throwing our arms wide to embrace the abundance of achievements and potential we all have on offer, as part of the human experience of this wild life. Worse than that, studies show that perfectionistic tendencies have been linked to a long list of clinical issues from depression and anxiety, to eating disorders, chronic fatigue, insomnia and chronic headaches, and in the worst scenarios early mortality and suicide

So what can we actually do if we realise we are perfectionists? 

The key is to swap perfection for progress

By swapping perfection for progress we can still have high goals and aim for excellence. The difference is we can take things step by step, where each step forward is a celebration and motivation of moving towards our goal. So every step is an achievement. Through reflecting on this achievement on a regular basis through a practice of purposeful self-reflection, we see how far we have come. Which motivates us further. Steps lead to more steps. Achievements lead to more achievements

Being full of progress encourages us to be aware of what we are learning, seeing the mistakes we make along the journey as part of the process of moving forwards. Rather than pieces of evidence that we are not enough, mistakes become pieces of evidence of steps forwards, steps of learning, steps of progress towards our goals. By focussing on progress we adopt a mind-set of playfulness and curiosity, not perfectionism and criticism. With this curiosity and playful approach, the journey towards excellence becomes more relaxed and enjoyable. By replacing our inner critic, with our inner curiosity, we can explore and experiment more. Which leads to more unique ideas and experiences. Which leads to even more steps of personal progress

When the going gets tough. Which any journey will, especially a high performer's high wire journey of stretch and excellence: when we focus on progress, not perfection, we can sustain a steady pace. We can focus on sustaining the small steps forward, one step at a time, remaining poised and balanced, no matter what the wild animal of life throws at us along our way

By swapping perfection for progress, we help life work for us, rather than against us...

Achieving excellence and high performance in a way which is our unique, positive contribution to the world. Our excellence barometer is our own personal progress, not a mark on an exam paper, a response on social media, nor a performance review at work. Progress is ours, uniquely to own for ourselves. This is what living a life of progress, not perfection, is all about. This is what our 15 year old student needs to hear - so he can release his true spirit, cultivate his smarts and foster his sociability - and it won’t surprise you to know that’s why we are sharing this content with students and their parents 

The truth is that the first step to leading our best lives is often understanding that we are all a work in progress

In reality, all the answers to the questions of how to progress and live a better life, already exist out there in some way, from the wisdom of the Ancient Greeks to the latest findings from the world of Neuroscience. But even if we are aware of these ideas and concepts, very few of us have the framework or tools to actually demystify and apply them in our everyday lives - from home, to work, to our whole life

So we decided to create it

Using Jo’s experience of 25 years of effectively sharing these tools and concepts with global audiences, combined with my 25 years of experience in the world of marketing and communication, we have packaged these into sparky deep insights, simple practical frameworks and handy transforming tools - for everybody to use in the real world

We understand you want to continually learn and progress in life - whether you’re a 15 year old student, a parent, or a fellow perfectionist - and that you don't want psychobabble or unrealistic 'positive thinking', so we focus on outcomes and results

Now you can - quite literally - learn how to swap perfection for progress!

An experience with us takes you from feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled to inspired, energised and on track

Our passion is to help you swap perfection for progress - whether you are a sharp, smart 15 year old student, their parent or a fellow high flying perfectionist - so you can unlock your personal progress and professional potential – helping life work for you not against you – from home, to work, to your whole life

If you would like to discover more about how you can swap perfection for progress and start to live your life on your own terms, full of progress, guided by your own compass, your true north you can discover the 5 Progressfull™ Principles in our Being Progressfull Mini masterclass here 

Being progressfull is not easy, but it is worth it. We all have just one life, so we might as well make sure we swap perfection for progress and show up to live our own life and most importantly, live it well!