Stop cowardly communication, start courageous conversations

Our conversations have major implications – at work, at home, in our whole life. In today’s world, we have all the power of instant global communication, yet ironically, very few of us are actually able to communicate in a way which brings change, growth and thriving

In fact, look around, it’s actually shameful, we have all the gear, yet no idea how to actually communicate. Sure, right now everyone’s a super fast ‘communicator’, replying to messages instantly to show how ‘on it’ we are, making people laugh with our TikToks, wowing with our altered reality photography, catchy captions and punchy comments. Yet, at the same time a disturbing trend is clear – polarisation, sensationalism, and extremism are drowning out reasoned debate, compromise, and consensus-building

Our communication may be slick and quick, but often, it is narcissistic, narrow minded, and let’s be honest, cowardly

What we all really need right now is courage, this does not mean the courage to leave anonymous comments, protected by our phones. This means the courage to have courageous conversations. Courageous conversations are where the big prizes are – in our work, in our homes, in our world. What's more, having these conversations isn’t a lofty ideal. In business, courageous conversations unlock creativity and innovation which drive success. Difficult discussions help bridge divides and create a more inclusive and empathic world

Despite all the brilliant steps forward in technical communication, we are falling silent

We proudly respond within minutes to messages, whilst silently witnessing an alarming rise in extremist narratives causing division in our societies. In business, we are slick on Slack, yet diverse perspectives are often sidelined in favour of the masses, stifling innovation and creating a culture of us-versus-them, which is fundamentally detrimental to teamwork and productivity. How sadly ironic, given the number of fabulous teamwork and productivity apps we now have at our finger tips

In truth, silence may feel comfortable, yet we also know it often serves as a breeding ground for conflict. Silence stops the understanding and collaboration we need to solve our complex problems

Courageous conversations drive innovation and growth because they pave the way for diverse perspectives and learning. Multiple ideas breed creativity, they prompt teams to find new solutions to problems. Embracing these conversations can uncover blind spots, foresee potential pitfalls, and create better adaptions to changes – at work, at home, in our whole life

So not only do we gain the upside of better solutions, by addressing difficult issues, we also cultivate a culture of respect where everyone feels valued and heard. What this means in business is increasing employee engagement and satisfaction, which we know drives productivity and performance

So you see, difficult discussions aren’t merely a benefit, they are actually a game-changing strategic advantage

Businesses who integrate these courageous conversations into ways of working stand out in a competitive marketplace. They show all their stakeholders - whether employees or investors – that they commit to a culture of respect, learning, and growth, which leads to increased performance

When we apply this thinking to leadership, true modern leadership is not fast response rates or pithy one-liners in the board room and on social media, true leadership is championing a culture of constructive, courageous conversations. Setting an example by embodying openness, empathy, and a desire to understand different viewpoints. When we as leaders are facilitating and engaging in this dialogue, we set the benchmark for respectful exchanges which stimulate collective understanding and concerted action 

OK, stop right there. With all this upside, why are we so cowardly and how can we help you stop the cowardice and start the courageous conversation?

The truth is 95% of people hold back from having courageous conversations. That’s our observation having worked with 14,000 people globally over the last two decades. There are lots of reasons ranging from not wanting to offend, to thinking about a previous experience with them that went badly, to feeling unsure what to say. Yet if we don’t address the issues and concerns, we are experiencing with someone, nothing will change. As importantly they will never have the choice to be different

Our first tip designed to help you build your courage and have the conversation is: think of the outcome you want to achieve. The real purpose of having a courageous conversation is to achieve a win-win outcome. The win-win outcome achieves the practical goal or solution and also has the result of enhancing the relationship. This is important because we need the relationship to be strong in the future. As the English anthropologist Jane Goodall so eloquently put it, “Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don’t believe is right”

The key is what we hold as being the truth, our position, our perspective, our personality and our goals. If we focus on what makes us similar rather than different, then we are more likely to move to a place that brings us together. This is our second tip: focus on what is similar in your position, perspective, personality and goals rather than what is different

Today when dealing with someone who you believe is prickly, think about what is similar in your position, perspective, personality and goals rather than what is different

Our third tip is to: ask yourself what you believe the other person is doing or has done that is holding you back and resulting in you thinking it will be a difficult discussion. Once you have identified this then: ask yourself, “What is a more neutral or positive interpretation of their behaviour or approach”. Doing this will free you up to think of alternative ways to connect and have the courageous conversation. As our illustration highlights, “Don't judge based on how prickly someone is on the outside they may be soft and sweet on the inside”

This is an extract from our Courageous conversations chapter in our People muscles Upskill

We encourage you to think about the impact your courageous conversations can have. These conversations have the power to ripple out, creating waves of understanding and empathy that can reshape our businesses and society so we can all grow and thrive together

In today’s dark age of division, the power of courageous conversations is a beacon of hope – let’s close the divide to grow and thrive - at work, at home, in our whole life!

Our People muscles Upskill combines bite-sized videos, private podcasts, 121 Mentor sessions, bespoke Journals and purposeful self-reflection exercises for you to apply - at home, at work, in your whole life. Building People muscles focusses on communications and relationships - building your people strength, so you can excel and inspire - in every interaction, at every level - from the new starter to the CEO

You will build your ability to communicate mindfully not mindlessly, courageously not cowardly, present with purpose and poise, and perform, even excel in great teams so you build your interpersonal strength

 You can explore People muscles Upskill Here