Are you in the driving seat?

What’s more, so many of us live like this that most of us actually think this 'wanting things' is ‘normal’

There is an interesting theory, developed by French philosopher René Girard. The theory posits that human desire is fundamentally imitative. We don't want things because they are good or useful, but because someone who influences us, someone we admire, or envy, wants them. This means our desires are more often external, rather than internal. We are not in the driving seat, we are a passenger, being driven by other people's wants and desires. Wants and desires which may or may not be right for us

Wait a minute, that's a bit crazy when we look at it through this lens isn't it?

What we want and desire, and make so many sacrifices for, is what we are 'told' we should want by others, who, let's face it, may not actually have our best interests at heart. Frankly, we know enough by now to realise that often people with influence, people in power; company CEOs, politicians, drug lords, social media influencers, and tycoons, often don’t have our best interests at heart at all. They are influencing us for their own gains, their own wants and desires, not ours

So what can we do to get into the driving seat, rather than be a passenger?

There is so much talk today about ‘how to be happy’. Once we have got past the ‘get rich quick schemes’, a lot of it seems to come down to ‘know your purpose’ and ‘live in the present’. But if you are like me, the thing you may ask yourself is, “OK, but how on earth do I do that?”

For some of us, asking the question is as far as it goes, we put it safely into the ‘nice idea but too difficult to be bothered category’, and get on with our overstimulated, overwhelmed, and often unfulfilled ‘normal’ lives. For others, we may be a bit more determined, or a bit more fed up of being a passenger, so we try a bit harder, maybe listen to a few podcasts, watch a few videos, and even go on a retreat

Well, stop right there – Progressfull has developed a concept designed to help and support you so you can answer the question and actually get into the driving seat

Essentially it is all about finding out what really makes you as a unique individual tick, so you can live more in the present and make the most of each day. It helps you, as my grandmother would say, develop your ‘character’. It is called Owning Congruence

Owning Congruence is about living our life in accordance with our beliefs and values, day by day, moment by moment, being in the driving seat of our own life. Stopping passively handing our money and time over to the shareholders, the social media influencers and tycoons, the drug lords and media owners, and starting to take control of who and how we want to be. Taking the time to get into the driving seat of our own life

What’s more, a driving seat doesn’t have to be in a Ferrari to be amazing!

When we are Owning Congruence we stop being a passenger, jump into the driving seat of our own life, and stay in the present. It’s about releasing the clutch and giving ourselves permission to choose our way, manage our behaviour, our thoughts, our feelings, choose to control how we respond and do the right thing for us

Here’s a tip to help you jump into the driving seat of your own life

Spend time building your ability to connect with the current moment, the present, and disconnect from the past or future. “If you were to check your mind at any point in the day, you’d probably notice you’re thinking about the past or worrying about something in the future, catastrophizing the worst-case scenario,” says Diana Winston, director of mindfulness education at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center

Research confirms that dwelling on things in the rearview mirror, or stressing about what’s around the bend, are linked to the overstimulated feelings of overwhelm and unfulfillment

The more we can remain in the present, stay in the driving seat of our life, rather than looking back at what we have lost or ‘what might have been’ or looking forward at ‘what could happen’ helps us stay grounded in reality, driving here and now. It helps us feel in synch with ourselves, in synch with reality, and as a result, our mind becomes more calm, more balanced, and we develop more self-respect. We have the thinking space and mental acuity to own our wants and desires

Owning Congruence is about owning our reality, today, now, in the present, in-spite of what might be happening around us. And it’s not easy, it’s not intuitive, it takes effort to hold on to the present – yet it's better to live in our reality than someone else's fiction. It's better to be clear on who we are, and what we truly value and want, rather than be driven by other people's ideas of what is good for us, what we should want, and what we should desire. It’s better to be in the driving seat of our own life than be a passenger 

You will be surprised at how, slowly but surely, you can build your ability to stay in the driving seat of your own life by staying in the present, experiencing the moment, and choosing how you want to be. This is living a life of congruence – some might say it’s also building character, taking back control of what we truly want and desire, who and how we really want to be

Jumping into the driving seat of our own life, and staying in the present, is a great way to think of how we build character. Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs, as Lao Tzu the Chinese philosopher encouraged,

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny"

If you would like to discover more about how you can jump into the driving seat of your own life, build a character where you own your wants and desires, and really Own Congruence we have an Upskill (our name for a course ) to help you do just that. You can learn more about it here