Mind the gap!

A lot of us are doing a lot of judging right now. Have you ever noticed how we tend to be lenient with ourselves whilst looking over the fence and judging others against higher standards?

Left on our own, we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions. This gap between intention and action is often the context for our relational conflicts – we expect others to give us a break and at the same time we blame them for not doing what they should be doing

Have you also ever wondered why people complain about politicians yet not vote? Why do people talk about the importance of climate change, yet moan about recycling their rubbish? Why do people extol the virtue of integrity yet tell numerous white lies every day?

Because we are imperfect, flawed, human beings and our intentions are a different thing from our actions. The great leadership guru, Ken Blanchard said,

‘Intention minus action equals squat’

That is a really helpful way for us to think about Owning Congruence. Owning Congruence is deciding to ensure our intentions - what we believe in - are aligned and in accord with our actions. In essence, it’s living a life in harmony internally and externally. It’s living a life being in the driving seat of our own car – clear on our own direction, owning our own choices and actions. This is us purposefully taking action to mind the gap!

We can all do better not only with the environment but with ourselves – yet it does take courage

So how do we courageously start to close this very real gap?

Our encouragement is that you start small. Decide what your most important beliefs or values are, literally rank order them, and then make those non-negotiables in your life, a bit like putting your clothes on before you leave the house is a non-negotiable, or brushing your teeth, or combing your hair. Once our mind knows something is a non-negotiable, it will remind us just before we err or stray – to stop – just like an alarm bell. Then it becomes a question of courage, courage to decide what different action we want to take

Building a life that is congruent involves great effort and often turns everything upside down, yet it's exceptionally rewarding and fulfilling. In fact, when we are often told to 'be yourself' which so often trips off the tongues of encouraging friends, parents and well-intentioned colleagues, as we embark on an interview, venture into a new friendship group, or start a new job - being congruent is what that actually means. It means to be true to yourself. It means understanding who you are, what's important to you, and living your life according to this understanding. So there is a big, big, upside to this courageous effort - it's called fulfilment

Owning Congruence is about living our life in accordance with our beliefs and values, day by day, moment by moment, being in-tune, aligned and in harmony inside and out. It is the commitment to making the right choices which translates our good intentions into a series of great actions. It’s the art of minding the gap!

Today how about you decide how you will start to close the gap between your intentions and actions

"Be the change you wish to be"

– adapted from Mahatma Ghandhi’s encouragement

If you would like to discover more about how you can Own Congruence we have an Upskill (our name for a course) to help you do just that – you can learn more about it here