Show up by building boundaries

Why do so very many of us, at some point in our lives, suffer from not having clear enough boundaries? 

Which means we don’t say no, we don’t protect our time, we don’t value our personal energy. We do plenty to help others yet we don’t Show Up for ourselves

What’s more ...

Not having clear boundaries is one of the biggest causes of stress for a lot of us

This inability to set boundaries is experienced by a lot of high-performing and equally highly helpful people the world over – from activists to healthcare professionals, from teachers to management consultants, from best friends to parents, to partners

Look around and you will see we all face ballooning expectations from multiple stakeholders with increasing number of us having overworked schedules. A lot of us feel overwhelmed, overworked and overstressed. With little to no time to take care of our own personal wellbeing - we are at risk of experiencing burnout

So, what can we do about this?

Well a good place is to start building boundaries on the behaviours, expectations, and situations that are not helpful to our mental and physical wellbeing

OK, so how do we do that then?

In today's world, it can be challenging to set boundaries and say no. We want to be the best partners, friends, parents, leaders, team-players and employees. The trouble is, the more we try to please others without saying no, the less respect we gain. What’s worse - is that often what we do, our ability to ‘show up’ at the right time, when it really counts, in line with our personal priorities and values – is decreased because we are stretched too thin
 
Saying no to friends, family, and colleagues has never been easy, but boundaries help us ‘show up’ much more in the moments which really matter in our lives - which may well actually increase the benefit to our friends, family and colleagues!

The truth is, by setting boundaries we actually have more to give – both to ourselves and in the areas of life which matter most to us – at work, at home, in our whole life

So, when we are being progressfull, when we want to live a life of progress, being strong, poised, curious and open - one of the internal challenges is to set clear boundaries for ourselves, and for others. Boundaries are the way to help us reset the dial and ‘show up’

Have you done this? Have you reset the dial by setting boundaries? Have you stopped being the ‘go to’ person for someone you can't go to?

The good news is that boundary building is a superpower we can all have!

People pleasers or the ‘disease to please’ are oft quoted phrases. Yet how do we move from that position without offending everyone we know?

The way is to start small ...

Identify the boundaries you see others around you setting for themselves. What limits do they put on their availability? How do they say no yet not damage relationships?
Note down the things they do and the way they phrase the boundary. Then decide which approaches you can start adopting
Script out the phrase you’ll use and test it out on someone you know and respect before you reset the dial with someone. Then give it a go!

Remember …

It’s great to see other people progress and get what or where they want to be in life. It’s even better knowing you’ve helped them get there - but not at the cost of your own wellbeing - that is why building the superpower of boundary building is so important

What we have experienced at Progressfull, is that when people start to set some new boundaries following the steps above, they consistently surprise themselves by becoming a little bit more like the person they imagined they never could be, yet always wanted to be, and they always become more like the person they were supposed to be

Try it you might surprise yourself too!

How about today you be a little more like who you want to be … set some new boundaries … support your wellbeing. How about today you be courageous and vulnerable – reset the dial and start developing the superpower ‘boundary building’ for you, for others - at work, at home, in your whole life! It is worth remembering,

‘No thank you’ is a complete sentence. So too is, ‘That’s not something I can agree to’

Adapted from Ann Lamont

Showing Up for ourselves by setting boundaries is not easy, but it is worth it. We all have just one life, so we might as well make sure we ‘show up’ to live our own life and most importantly, live it well. As Brene Brown so wisely said,

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others"

If you would like to discover more about how you can build boundaries and Show Up we have an Upskill (our name for a course/masterclass) to help you do just that – you can learn more about it here